For Elizabeth Mbaji, naming her fifth daughter Nkechinyere was an act of solace and defiance.
The name, which means ‘What God has given’ or ‘Gift of God,’ carries a profound sense of gratitude and acceptance, showing that children, regardless of gender, are a blessing.
Mbaji, a mother of five lovely girls, married her husband, Ndubuisi, from Abia State in the 1980s. Her journey through motherhood was fraught with challenges, but the name Nkechinyere brought relief and strengthened her appreciation for her children.
However, in the traditional Igbo setting where Mbaji comes from, as well as in other cultures with deep patriarchal roots, many couples pray for male children to continue their lineage. But this expectation did not become a reality for the Mbajis.
“At the time I got married, a woman’s marriage was standing on one leg until she had given birth to a male child. Only then could she enjoy all the entitlements of a wife,” she recalled.
This, she said, placed her under intense pressure to give birth to a male child for her husband and family, a situation many women find themselves after having multiple daughters in succession.
“In my case, I feared losing my husband or him marrying another woman. Friends and family members constantly advised him on what to do. No woman truly wants to share her husband. This was tough for me,” the petty trader recounted.
She said her husband’s family pressured her to give birth to a male child as if she held a magic wand to determine a baby’s gender.
“In many traditional societies, there is an unspoken expectation that women will bear male children to carry on the family name, inherit property, and fulfill cultural traditions.
“This expectation can be overwhelming, especially for women who are already navigating the challenges of childbirth and motherhood,” she said.
For Mbaji, the desire to meet her husband’s expectations and satisfy the demands of his family seemed daunting as God chose otherwise.
“After my fourth daughter, I became pregnant again, and everybody, including myself, was praying for a boy so I could stop having more children. The pressure was too much from all angles.
“But at some point, I told myself I couldn’t change what I had no control over, and I resigned myself to fate. I prepared for any reaction from my husband and his family. I prayed for the strength to accept the child God had given me, regardless of gender.
“When the day finally arrived and I gave birth to my fifth and last daughter, I had mixed feelings. My heart swelled with love, but in the eyes of my husband and his family, the situation was far from ideal.”
The disappointment was palpable, and Mbaji could feel the tension as her husband’s family voiced their displeasure. The hope for a male child had not been fulfilled, overshadowing the joy of the new arrival.
However, amid the family’s disappointment, Mbaji found comfort in the name Nkechinyere, suggested by her mother.
“With this name, I tried to make people acknowledge that daughters are not a disappointment but a blessing. Today, many men have realised this.
“Now, some fathers who have many sons are desperately hoping for daughters because they’ve seen that daughters stake their lives to care for their parents,” she said.
Saturday PUNCH learnt that despite all odds, Mbaji’s daughters are everything she prayed for and are now successful in their respective endeavours.
“All of them – Chimamanda, Chinenye, Faith, Precious, and Nkechinyere – are married and doing well. They take care of us, and we have no regrets,” she said.
However, not all women in similar situations find comfort in the birth of only daughters.
In many societies, male child preference is so deeply ingrained that some women face harsh realities when they fail to meet expectations. In extreme cases, they are abandoned or rejected.
‘Our daughters are the centre of our lives’
Saturday PUNCH found that Mbaji is not alone in navigating this difficult path.
A mother of three, Dr Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, has also embraced this journey with unwavering strength.
A legal practitioner and passionate gender advocate, she champions equality, particularly in inheritance matters, and rejects cultural practices that discriminate against girls.
Effah-Chukwuma and her late husband raised three daughters and never felt the need for a son.
“The girl child should have equal inheritance rights as her brothers. Any cultural practice that discriminates against girls is unlawful,” she said.
The middle-aged woman shared her disbelief at couples who lament having daughters and become desperate for a male child.
“My late husband and I were not worried when God blessed us with three beautiful girls,” she said.
“Our daughters were the centre of his life. I don’t understand why people become desperate for a male child, especially women.”
Effah-Chukwuma, who is also the Executive Director of Project Alert on Violence Against Women, a nonprofit based in Lagos, comes from a family of six girls.
“My parents gave us sound education. Today, we stand tall because they invested in us regardless of gender.
“We need to invest in our children, whether male or female. A responsible child, regardless of gender, is what every parent should pray for.
“If you don’t invest in your girl child, why expect her to take care of you in old age?” she asked.
She condemned cultural practices that deny girls inheritance rights.
“Why should boys alone inherit their parents’ property? Is the girl child not human? Is she not also their child?
“Why should she be denied? The law frowns upon such discrimination, yet some villages still uphold these traditions.”
Blaming patriarchal mindsets for the pressure on women, she asked, “What if a male child turns out to be useless, while a female child brings peace and joy? A good child—male or female—is what matters.
“So, as a wife, mother, and woman, always stand tall. Train your daughters well. Don’t be desperate because you cannot determine a child’s gender. Only God gives children,” she said.
The issues
Several third-world countries still suffer gender imbalance which has affected the way the two sexes are perceived.
The major reason for this desperation for male children is best summarised in the International Journal of Sociology of the Family.
An Emeritus Professor of Sociology at the University of Ibadan, Uche Isiugo-Abanihe, while qouting African beliefs said, “A man who died without a son lived a worthless life; he is inherited by his brothers, and is soon forgotten since his branch of the family tree has ended.”
He added, “Also, in traditional Igbo society, the status of a man is assessed in part by the number of his sons, a man with many sons is viewed as wealthy[…]”
However, the United Nations Global Goal Five advocates gender equality and the empowerment of women and girls as a fundamental human right.
In Nigeria, women are still getting the short end of the stick on most growth and developmental indices.
Studies have shown that a woman, who achieves recognition and status by the birth of at least one male child, is considered fulfilled and ultimately accorded greater respect than her counterparts who do not achieve the same feat.
The International Parliamentary Union says women make up less than six per cent of Nigeria’s parliament.
From 2010 to 2015, only 38 per cent of federal employees in Nigeria were women on average, according to the National Bureau of Statistics.
The Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action undertake legislation and administrative reforms to give women equal rights with men to economic resources, including access to ownership and control over land and other property, credit, inheritance, natural resources, and appropriate new technology.
This aimed at advancing the goals of equality and the inherent human dignity of men and women in development. This is the assurance of peace in the interest of humanity by reducing the poverty level of women everywhere in the universe.
Aliu’s five daughters breaking barriers
Mbaji and Effah-Chukwuma are not the only women blazing the trail.
The Aliu family in Kogi-State where five sisters of the same parents became medical doctors in different specialties comes to mind when the women barrier breakers are mentioned.
It’s not an everyday thing when sisters become doctors, but that’s exactly what happened for the Aliu family, who broke the cultural and societal barriers, indicating that girl children are as important as male children.
Among them is Salamat, the first female neurosurgeon in West Africa; Halima, a plastic surgeon; Khadijah, a family medicine physician; Raliat, an obstetrician, and Medinah, a community health physician.”
The Okonjo-Iweala, Adichie examples
Other women, who did not wait for society to define their future, but are challenging gender stereotypes in male-dominated professions, include an economist and former finance minister of Nigeria, Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, who shattered the glass ceiling by becoming the first African and first woman to lead the World Trade Organisation.
She is followed by a renowned author and feminist icon, Chimamanda Adichie; the Deputy Secretary-General of the United Nations and former Minister of Environment of Nigeria, Amina Mohammed.
Her leadership in sustainable development and climate action has been instrumental in shaping the global agenda for a more equitable and resilient future.
Another example is a polio survivor and Nigeria’s first disabled legislative candidate, Lois Auta, who defied disability to become successful.
Despite suffering from polio at age two, which permanently put her in a wheelchair, Auta defied every barrier of a woman living with a disability in Nigeria.
She is the founder of Cedar Seed Foundation, a nonprofit organisation advocating the rights of people with disabilities in Nigeria. Auta was named Young Global Leader at the World Economic Forum in 2017.
Also, a disability advocate and Senior Special Assistant to the Lagos State Governor on Persons Living with Disabilities, Adenike Oyetunde, is a lawyer, media personality, author, social media influencer, and life coach.
After losing her right leg to bone cancer at the age of 20, Oyetunde’s life changed completely. But she chose to challenge the barriers life in Nigeria threw at her.
Another woman making a strong statement across the world is the first female fighter pilot in the Nigerian Air Force, Kafayat Sanni.
In 2019, at just 22 years old, Sanni became the first female fighter pilot in the 55-year history of the Nigerian Air Force. She is also the first woman to go through regular combat training at the Nigerian Defence Academy to be winged for a fixed-wing fighter aircraft. The list is endless.
‘I fought pressure to keep my marriage’
Jeremiah Ezigbo’s story sheds light on the societal pressure and harmful misconceptions surrounding gender and family expectations.
When Ezigbo and his wife had only daughters, many around him were quick to pass judgment. Some suggested that he take a second wife, hoping that a male child would finally be born, a common sentiment in certain cultures where sons are preferred.
The 57-year-old was overwhelmed but did not allow their opinions to define his happiness or his family’s worth, even when his spirit was telling him that he needed an Onochie for his lineage to continue.
However, the birth of his fifth child, a boy, seemed to validate the conventional expectations of what a ‘complete’ family should look like, but Ezigbo’s reflection on his experience goes much deeper than the gender of his children.
Although the birth of a son was celebrated by others, he found that the same daughters society had dismissed as less valuable took care of their brother, giving him emotional and financial support.
Ezigbo believed that the real worth of a child is not defined by outdated societal norms but by the love and care they provide within the family.
He said, “I don’t even pay his school fees. Despite the belief that the son would be the family’s primary source of pride, it is my daughters who demonstrate true responsibility. Look around, you will find out yourself.
“They have shown him love, care, and a sense of responsibility that goes beyond traditional gender roles.”
Why desperation for male children?
An Ozo-titled man, Chief Anthony Nwonye (Adigo-Ogidi) told Saturday PUNCH that most African men don’t feel comfortable not having a male child that would carry their names when they had gone.
To men, he said, it seemed that all that they toiled for on earth would be forgotten soon after they closed their eyes in death.
Nwonye said the reason was simple: “In traditional Igbo culture where I come from, male children are the ones that inherit and sustain your name as a man after you have gone. And that is the reason you will see a man doing everything to have a male child who would inherit his home when he is dead.
“You might not know the meaning of Afamefuna, a name given to a male Igbo child. This means, ‘My name will not be lost.’ But the dialectical variation of it means, ‘May my name never be lost.”
According to him, this makes men go the extra mile of marrying multiple wives or even appealing to their daughters to give birth outside wedlock to give birth to a male child, who will be called ‘Onochie’ (the one who replaces).
“Also, in some traditions where a man is a traditional ruler, the right to the throne is given to the son. This is because women traditionally do not have the right to the throne of their fathers because it’s believed that they would get married one day and move into their husbands’ house, abandoning their father’s name to answer the husband’s name.
“So, some of these are done to ensure that the name continues. In most cases, a man will have up to nine children while looking for a male child. These are the people who believe in their wives; others will be pressured into marrying another wife to broaden their chances of having male children.
“When the male children finally come, the woman who gives birth to the male child is silently favoured more than others. So, every woman whether she is troubled or not, tries to have her male child(ren) to be respected and recognised.”
Men determine baby’s sex, not women – Gynaecologist
On the need for husbands not to blame their wives for the gender of their chidren, a Consultant Gynaecologist at the Federal Medical Centre, Epe, Lagos, Dr Cynthia Okafor, explained that a child’s biological sex is determined by the male parent’s chromosome.
“Men have XY sex chromosomes, while women have XX chromosomes. While a woman contributes only an X chromosome, the man contributes either an X or a Y chromosome, determining the baby’s sex,” she said.
She advised against marrying multiple wives in search of a male child, stating, “The woman you want to marry carries the same chromosomes as your first wife. Pray to God for the male chromosome to reach the egg; it’s not the woman’s fault.”
Protecting women through legislation
However, Saturday PUNCH learnt that these biases and discriminations were the reason for the enactment of the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act, popularly known as VAPP Law.
The case, Ukeje v. Ukeje was a landmark Supreme Court of Nigeria case in 2014 that affirmed the right of women to inherit property from their deceased parents. The decision overturned the Igbo customary law, which had previously prevented women from inheriting their parents’ estate.
In that case, Justice Rhodes Vivour, who delivered the lead judgment said, “No matter the circumstances of the birth of a female child, such a child is entitled to an inheritance from her late father’s estate. Consequently, the Igbo customary law which disentitled a female child from partaking in the sharing of her deceased father’s estate is in breach of Section 42(1) and (2) of the constitution, a fundamental right provision guaranteed to every Nigerian. The said discriminatory customary law is void as it conflicts with Section 42(1) and (2) of the constitution.”
However, Saturday PUNCH learnt that although there are pockets of law and judgment where rights to inheritance including the throne were given to women, its domestication is yet to take full effect because there were areas the traditional men felt needed to be addressed.
Education, the master key
A gender advocate and development consultant, Sumbo Oladipo, stressed the importance of education in empowering the girl child, urging Nigerians, especially mothers, to educate their girls.
“Education helps a girl to realise her potential and become successful in life. The key is not how far along they are in their journey, but where they end up. Dropping out of school should be actively discouraged.
“Only the education of a girl child will break this barrier and give the women their right of place in the society,” she said.
PUNCH
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